July 20, 2008
The worst feeling in the world is knowing that you can never be happy again. At that point it defeats the purpose of living. I regret everyday that I wake up. In my dreams everything is so perfect. Why can't I just dream forever? Sometimes I really just wanna get away...from everything...from everybody. I'm not a good person. I'm not extraordinary in any way. I'm just kinda there. No one really understands me. No one knows how hurt I am. If I could just find someone...someone new...someone who doesn't have any expectations of me. For some reason, I can't find anyone that is willing to give me a shot. I was so lucky before...I had everything I could ever want at the time. Why did I mess it up? What did I do wrong? I just need one more chance. I can fix everything. We can be happy...I promise...
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Entry #2
April 2nd, 2008
It’s funny how things work out. One minute someone loves you with all their heart; the next minute they tell you that they dont know what they want but they dont want a boyfriend at all; the next minute they are with the person they have been seeing everyday. All this almost literally within minutes. But thats life I guess. The only question is if you want to live it or not... that question is weighing heavily on me right now. How are we supposed to feel in this situation? I have no idea how to react; how to get an explanation... I cant even figure out how to talk anymore. I wish I had a time machine so that i could skip this part in my life. I hate the way I feel right now. For some reason the music seems to calm me... I wanted so bad to just have that perfect relationship that would last forever. Now I know that it doesn’t always happen the way you want it to, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you beg or how much you give. No matter what is said or how long it has been and what you leave behind...funny isn’t it?
It’s funny how things work out. One minute someone loves you with all their heart; the next minute they tell you that they dont know what they want but they dont want a boyfriend at all; the next minute they are with the person they have been seeing everyday. All this almost literally within minutes. But thats life I guess. The only question is if you want to live it or not... that question is weighing heavily on me right now. How are we supposed to feel in this situation? I have no idea how to react; how to get an explanation... I cant even figure out how to talk anymore. I wish I had a time machine so that i could skip this part in my life. I hate the way I feel right now. For some reason the music seems to calm me... I wanted so bad to just have that perfect relationship that would last forever. Now I know that it doesn’t always happen the way you want it to, no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you beg or how much you give. No matter what is said or how long it has been and what you leave behind...funny isn’t it?
Entry #1
March 31st 2008
I guess it is in fact true what they say, "You never know what have until its gone." I never really fully understood the meaning of this until just recently. It is easy to take things for granted when you know you can get it whenever you want. The hard thing is getting it whenever it is no longer there...getting it when the person who has it, has a change of heart. If there is a God, he seems to like seeing me suffer. He gives me that which I desire the most...waits until I can’t live without it...then takes it from me. It’s hard to describe what I am going through right now, it’s even harder trying to make sense of it all. One thing that I do know is that it is amazing how much a simple kiss from someone you love could alter your day, week, or even life. I miss the feeling of...security. Just knowing that the person on the other end feels the same as I do is the best feeling in the world...to be wanted. I dont know who is going to read this or what anyone will think if they do read it but this is my first ever post so cut me some slack :) But if you do read it and you are in a relationship right now be sure to not take any kiss for granted...it might not be there tomorrow...
I guess it is in fact true what they say, "You never know what have until its gone." I never really fully understood the meaning of this until just recently. It is easy to take things for granted when you know you can get it whenever you want. The hard thing is getting it whenever it is no longer there...getting it when the person who has it, has a change of heart. If there is a God, he seems to like seeing me suffer. He gives me that which I desire the most...waits until I can’t live without it...then takes it from me. It’s hard to describe what I am going through right now, it’s even harder trying to make sense of it all. One thing that I do know is that it is amazing how much a simple kiss from someone you love could alter your day, week, or even life. I miss the feeling of...security. Just knowing that the person on the other end feels the same as I do is the best feeling in the world...to be wanted. I dont know who is going to read this or what anyone will think if they do read it but this is my first ever post so cut me some slack :) But if you do read it and you are in a relationship right now be sure to not take any kiss for granted...it might not be there tomorrow...
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